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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {